Another Ending

Well I cant believe that its the end of another month - in fact, probably by the time I post this - Novemember will have started.  I also cant believe thats its been ages since I actually posted whats truly in my head and my heart. In fact, if I actually hit send, it will be the first time in months that I will have been brave enough to. There are times though, when only writing it down will do.

Its now 8 months since I first ventured out on Fan Fawr and not quite 8 months since I first climbed Pen Y Fan.  There have been many, many changes in my life since then, in fact I can barely credit the roller coaster I've been on this year, the dips of which came close to destroying me.

A friend recently posted this on Facebook. 

'Every once in a while we all need to get out, to give ourselves up to a favourite wild landscape, to explore and experience and to wonder. We should do this in every season and all weathers, by day and by night. We should touch and smell and listen. We should absorb moonlight on water, feel the wind in our hair, and discover the other creatures with which we share the world. We should be forcing ourselves to reconnect with wild nature and our origins. We need to do this before it's too late.'

Dr Jeff Watson, scientist and conservationist, 1952-2007

And it struck me that, somewhere this year, I lost myself, lost my way in my 'quest' to do exactly what Dr Jeff suggested, demanded even.  That I've not forced myself out to reconnect nearly as much as I planned to do.  - oh there have been reasons, some of them good, valid, justified, but then cant we always find ways to stagnate, procrasinate and to avoid even that which we know will do us good. 

Somewhere amongst all the good things, the positve and the fun things I was trying to do for myself, something went wrong and the stagnation became so putrid that I risked filling my future with poison.  It would have meant that I wouldnt need to worry about being judged by others, about fighting my corner, as I was already in the corner, on my own, battling my own shadow.  Its a very lonely place to be.

Without a doubt a huge melting pot of circumstances (sadly we all have them, those pesky circumstances, though on times its a bit like having chicken pox; ugly and often painful, with spots you cant scratch for fear of lifelong scarring) played their role in me ending up in that corner, but in the end that shadow was more like a blurred reflection, one of those ones in a hall of mirrors that make you look skinny, fat or with a destorted head. Its hard to fight, reason with, or understand that sort of image staring back at you, but its not impossible, and fight I did, tooth and nail.  Thats not to say I did it alone, I asked a close friend for help and she led the way.  Then I asked two other friends for support and they were amazing.  They always were very special and strong women, but their determination to help bowled me over.  It did then and still does now.  Then I told a group of friends that things were bad and this wave of affection, love and support came rushing back.  I didnt feel that I deserved any of it, I think that was one of the main problems.
 
Then this evening I found myself browsing through some old emails. They were from way back when this blog started right up to just recently and I was a bit stunned to see how many had mentioned my walking, mentioned me achieving, how, even now, I was still receiving encouragement and support.  Im sad to say that much of it had obviously escaped me at the time of reading. It isnt that I didnt appreciate it, its I just didnt 'see' it.

But things are better, things have changed, actually many things have changed, in fact I think I've changed.  Not sure if the change in me is for the better, im still working on that one, fine tuning who I am and most importantly who and where I want to be, but im happy to be a work in progress as long as the changed me is an improved version.  I dont want to lose who I know I am deep down, but would like that person to be on the surface too, not a version that circumstances created, not a fraud, but the real me. The real confident, happy, loving and peaceful me.

So im guessing that not only has another month ended, but quite a few other things have ended too.  Most importantly I'm hoping that the sadness has ended, that the shadow is now a friend and not an enemy and that im back on that path that I started 8 months ago.  

Welcome to Wales / Croeso y Gymru

Ive been trying all evening to think how to start this, but in the end it just has to be at the beginning.

Just a little over 32 years ago I had my first visit to Wales.  It was just meant to be me meeting my, soon to be, new family. 

My mum and step dad were to be married, back in Edinburgh, on Thursday 30th August 1979 so on the Friday before my mum's two friends drove me to Wales, to Briton Ferry, for me to be introduced to the Ward clan.  We arrived early evening and my first introduction was to 18 year old Philip, who was to become my step brother.  'Hi, im Phil, want to come to the rugby club?'  First of all I was a bit taken aback, in my innocence I didnt really know what to expect from a rugby club (didnt take long to change that though LOL), and since I was only 15, I didnt really think I was allowed !! I felt a bit awful saying no thank you, but at least I could say that I was really tired after the journey and anyway Morris (my soon to be step dad) said we were all going out the following  night - to the Con Club (another new intro to me - Id never heard of a con club, or a workies or Lib club at that point - that too changed).

So the following night we all went up the hill to the Briton Ferry Constitutional Club.  Saturday night was the night where there was music upstairs in the function room, and also where I was to be introduced to the voices of quite a few of the Ward clan, the singing voices I mean, and it was pretty damn incredible as well. Before we went out I realised that there was a programme on tv that I wanted to see, it was the last episode ever as well and I had said that I really wanted to go back to the house to see it later on.  I was persuaded by Phil not to go and to be honest it didnt take much as I was really enjoying the evening, enjoying meeting new people and was thoroughly wrapped up in the welcome that I was receiving into a family that knew hardly anything about me.


It could only have been about half an hour later when everything was gturned upside down.  Morris had the microphone and was singing away, his brother Hwyel suddenly appeared and ran across the dance floor, grabbed the mic from Morris's hand and frantically started telling him something. In the rush the mic was dropped onto the floor - my god that makes a terrible sound.  All of a sudden everyone was running, I was sitting in a corner of the room and was completely lost as to what was happening.  I picked up my coat, Phils jumper, my bag and I ran too.  I heard someone say 'fire' and my heart was in my mouth, 'My god' I thought 'My god the club is on fire'.  I ran down the stairs along with everyone else.  The club was emptying at such a speed.  I was looking frantically for my mum, for Phil, for anyone that I had been introduced to as family.  At the bottom of the stairs Phil suddenly appeared, looking as frantic as I felt.  I grabbed his arm and asked what was going on.  'My house is on fire! he said.  He was shaking and then he turned and ran too.  I felt someone grab my elbow, it was my mums friend.  'Come on, quick' she said, and we ran to the car.  I dont know why to this day that we took the car.  Maybe because we didnt know the area but it may have made more sense to run with everyone else but 2 minutes later we were standing outside the house, the fire brigade busy with hoses, foam everywhere. On the way down the hill we had passed people running, running on the road, disappearing down the lanes, short cutting to the house, to the place where everyone knew the Morris and Phil lived.  Now they were all in the street too and finally the fire was out. 


What happened next is really the reason for this long post.


The Brigade of course wouldnt allow us access to the house.  So now what did we do? Nowhere to stay, no clothes, nothing.  Suddenly all these voices started offering help. First was Morris's sister who lived in the same street, 'Come on, lets have a cuppa, sit down and make a plan' then people saying 'Morris, you and Cath stay with us' 'Phil, you and Fiona can stay in our house. Dont worry Fiona, we'll do introductions later' 'We'll be down tomorrow to start the clean up if we are allowed in' 'Morris, what about your suit for the wedding?  Cath what about your outfit?'  Offer after offer after offer of help, support and sympathy.




As we left one house to move to another house to stay I realised that my feet were soaking wet, that I was freezing cold, despite it being August, and I was shaking.  Then it hit me, if I had gone back to the house to watch that tv programme, I would have been in the house when the fire really took hold.  Now as Ive said before, I am the type of person who deals with things at the time and then, later, when everyone else is relaxed, fine and over it, thats when I go to jelly, to pieces and end up in a heap with people thinking ive lost the plot.  'Phil, I would have been in the house!' I struggled to get the words out but he nodded and said 'I know' I think that was the point when his friend could see how much I was shaking and lifted me up and carried me to where we were staying that night.


Jump forward this evening.  Peter and I went out to so some shopping, on the way back we went through Pontardawe and past the makeshft memorial to those poor guys lost in the mine last week.  I dont know why it took me till today to remember the events of 1979 but it just struck me that despite my first visit to Wales being a traumatic and dramatic event, it was also my first introduction to how community minded, how generous and how incredible the people here can be.  Jump back to last week, to that dreadful announcement of the mine collapsing and those four poor miners trapped, and as we now know, lost. How the whole world watched as the emergency services, mines rescue, divers, cavers etc etc fought to try to save those men, how local businesses, neighbours and friends and strangers, rallied to help, support and sympathise.  Sound familiar?  Okay so our fire actually does pale against this event, but what doesnt pale is the strength of character of the people of Wales, their ability to rally, link arms and show a united front the second its needed.

So we went and got a candle, and we took it back to that makeshift memorial and lit it.

I was told once that I would never be happy until I went back to Scotland! How very wrong that person was.  Im so glad that I moved here, not glad that there are families suffering loss just now, but very grateful to be living in a community, a country, that when faced with a crisis, large or small, stands up and makes what they do count.

Da iawn Cymru!

Memory Walk

As you can see there is a nice little addition to my page - its my sponsorship link for this Sundays Memory Walk - would love it if you would sponsor Pete and I to raise money for this brilliant charity.

Get on Free

There hasnt been many posts lately, not because I havent been doing anything but because ive simply not been in the right frame of mind to post but Ive been prodded to add this. 

About a month ago I finally, FINALLY, managed to achieve another long, long held ambition.

Thanks to a scheme called Get on Free I’ve actually now had a go on a bike - not a moped (well, if I’m honest I had a go on one of those first) but a motorbike (automatic I admit - but hey you have to start somewhere). I have to say a huge thank you to Richard for his patience (especially when I couldn’t get the damn thing of the stand - such a weakling).  He told me that if he saw the whites of my eyes then he'd know I was too scared. In fact the only thing I had been scared about was that it would get cancelled as the weather just a short while earlier had been horrendous with heavy rain, dark skies and a bit more of a breeze getting up. As I got more confident and I was riding around the 'course' Richard just left me too it (keeping a watchful eye of course) but out of the corner of my eye I could see him talking to my husband and shaking his head.  I have to admit that my heart sank a little, obviously he thought that I wasn’t doing that well.  At the end of the session he called me over and we talked about the geared bike.  I really wasn’t ready to have a go on that (yet).  I was still feeling a bit like I hadn’t done that well when he said that I’d done really well and explaining what I could do next.  Once I got over the shock and we were leaving, I asked Peter what he had said when he was shaking his head.  He started laughing and said 'He said 'Well - no whites of the eyes and she's smiling! Sorry mate! she's going to cost you a lot of money!''

Well no, not at the moment, for now im glad to just have had a go, I'm not ruling out having one but for the minute lets just say that there's one more thing ticked off my list.


Get On Free

Chickens

This is just a quick post to put up a link to my friends blog - Jo you are doing some amazing work.  It was heartbreaking to see the new arrivals but I know, from seeing the girls aready in yours and Garys care, that it wont be long until they are all fluffed up and beautiful again.

http://lifewiththeexbatts.wordpress.com/

Race for Life ... 2

A group of us are doing the Race for Life on the 24th July in Swansea. 

Cant wait!

http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/clairejames0205

Hidden treasures

After a day of feeling grotty, and wishing I had been hungover, then I at least I would have known why I felt so horrible, of food shopping, then sleeping (I rarely sleep during the day) I was persuaded to go for a walk to chase the sunset. 

Despite living here for 26 years Peter only recently found this path around the edge of one of the hills here and tonight was my first time.  It was lovely, amazing views, loads of blackberry bushes. an amazing Oak and Hawthorn hedge, millions of midges (ouch, ouch, ouch!, sadly they REALLY like me).  As we were watching the sunset something caught my eye, at first I thought it was a cat but soon realised it was a fox.  The Peter spotted a second one but it ran off really quickly.  It was a delightful surprise. The first one had stopped dead still however, and just stared at us! It didnt move for about 5 minutes. It was wonderful, as if it was daring us to move towards it.  Of course we didnt, but moved further up the path, when we spotted the other one, just its head, peeping over the brow of the hill at us.

The sun didnt set in a blaze of glory, more sank down behind Drummau, quietly, with no fuss, beautiful all the same. So it was a short but lovely walk and I was really glad that I had been persuaded to go, again being outside made things seem so much better.

The walk back brought one more surprise.  Something I had never noticed.  A small group of trees which look like a Tortoise making his way slowly up the hill.  It seemed appropriate that this is actually on one of the hills behind our house, reminding me of me.  Of slowly making my way up those hills, those mountains.  Reminding me that I will get there, what ever I decide to do.

Pen y Fan ... again

This morning all four of us ventured up the path from the Pont ar Daf car park towards Pen y Fan.  It was the first time that we managed to persuade Becky to come with us. As we set of it was cool, slightly overcast, but we could see Corn Du and Pen y Fan clearly.  'B' and I let Peter and Sarah head off ahead of us.  I remember all too well attempting this path for the first time and I knew that B's hypermobility was going to have some impact on her walking, that she was going to struggle at some so I felt it was easier to let the other two strive ahead.  She made a great start, not too fast and she managed a good third of the way up before she was in obvious discomfort.  We had paused a few times but as we caught up with the other two I could see that she was getting despondant.  We swapped walking partners for a little while which proved to be a disaster.  As much as these two are great friends, they are sisters, and sisters ... well ... are sisters.  Sarah's happy mood and 'encouraging' chatter drove her up the wall.  A cry went up to basically ... 'take her away please!' So Peter walked with her a little while and Sarah and I forged ahead.  We stopped and looked back and we could see Peter waving at us.  B had given up, couldnt face going any further. We waited whilst he caught us up and took the car keys and he and B headed back down.  Sarah and I carried out but by this time I felt awful at carrying on without her and the rain was coming in so we headed back down ... to be met by them coming back up (this sound familiar ... like my first attempt).  By now the rain was driving into the four of us and we stopped for a few minutes to discuss 'up' or 'down'?  Down was the choice. 

So down we came and by the time we were almost at the bottom the sun was out and the day was beautiful again.  Typical.

Anyway, I fully expected B to say ... im not doing that again ... BUT she said ... I will do it, I will get to the top ... and then im never doing it again LOL ... attah girl!

Sarah struggled as well, at some points, as she has an ongoing knee problem.  She doesnt find it as hard as B does, but my word I have seen her in some pain as well. She gets a 'dizzy' problem too and gets light headed and then we have to feed her. Its a bit like feeding a chick LOL ... or a Furby .. remember they used to say 'Huuunggryyyy' when they needed fed ... thats Sarah .. its normally a 'Oh oh, cant see, need food' type thing.  Aparently its because she is so tall! Hmmmm. 

But I am so delighted that they try, especially that B finally tried; I know what its like to try to do things like that when things can hurt, when joints dont do what you want them to.  Neither have arthritis, thank god,  and I need to help them to keep active so hopefully they never will, but I need them also to know that im incredibly proud of there efforts and that, for Becky, that when she does finally get up that hill ... im going to be there with her.

Weather

I went on a trip today, for work, a jolly if you like.  I didnt want to go, cant really afford the time out, but my word what a great day and Im so glad I went.


I went to the Met Office in Exeter! It was in connection with some work we are doing at our site but what an amazing place.   The work that the guys down there do is incredible! The technology is second to none.  You see the weather forecast and think thats all they do but that only just scratches the surface! Wow, wow, wow. 


So next time I watch the Countryfile forecast, or the Channel 4 forecast, or any weather forecast in fact, it will be with new respect.


On the wall, in the meeting room we went into, in silver lettering, was this quote:


Summer is delicious, rain is refreshing,
wind braces up, snow is exhilarating;
there is no such thing as bad weather,
only different kinds of good weather.

John Ruskin

Of course lots of us have already read this quote, but it reminded me how I feel about the weather, in fact about the seasons, that there is always, always something good and positive to see, that unless it is making your situation dangerous or taking the roof off your house (etc) that our weather is fabulous and should be appreciated.  That our seasons may appear to be all over the place but if you pause for a moment and look closely, our year is really always following its expected path.


So appreciate our weather, our seasons, our climate - and stop moaning about it.  Just get out, safely, and enjoy it!

Magical moonlight mountain

Saturdays often end up being about chores for us.  Though we try hard to get as much done during the week so its not the case, sometimes we fail miserably.  Today was one of those days.  The morning was about cleaning and clearing.  Then we headed off to do the shopping.  Before we turned around it was 5pm and we were back in the house cooking the evening meal.  The day had been changeable anyway, weather wise, sunshine for a bit, rain, hailstones, thunder and lightening! A real mixed bag.  It wasnt surprising then that by 7.00 this evening I was desperate to just get out.  Get out and do something, walk, ride the bike, run ... anything ... but not sit staring at the goggle box in the corner. The weather seemed to have settled into a beautiful evening so we got our stuff and jumped in the car and headed towards Brecon.  As we got closer to Pont ar Daf car park we could see that there were some ominous clouds but we decided that they seemed to moving away so we would give Pen y Fan a try.  As we pulled into the car park the place was absolutely packed! Then we realised that most of them were there to do the final leg of the Welsh Three Peaks, raising money for Ty Hafan.  At the bottom, by the finish line, some people were set up with Champagne ready to celebrate when their friends reached them. 

As we started our walk up the hill progress was really slow as there were so many people coming down.  We could hear people cheering as friends and family reached their goal!  You had to smile every time a cheer went up, you couldnt not smile, people were sharing in others success and surely in the success for the charity. It was amazing, heartwarming, if a little sad when you thought what the charity are there for.  One poor man passed us very gingerly.  I asked him if he was okay.  'Yes' he replied 'My knees went two mountains ago'  'Oh no!' I said 'Would you like us to help you back down?'  'No' was the very definite reply 'Im determined to finish this, and theres my girlfriend coming up to meet me'  Cue the sound of a very excited girlfriend, calling his name and running up the hill to meet him, Cathy running to reach her Heathcliffe.  Hats off to that man; brave, determined and probably a little mad but it persuaded us to make a donation to the next walker wearing the Ty Hafan tshirt (complete with passes etc - so no worries, we didnt hand money to any random walker)

We pushed on up the hill, by now the sun was making its way down but we were keeping up with it, climbing higher so we could keep it in sight.  The walkers were getting fewer and fewer and as we were about 15 minutes away from the bottom of Corn Du, the remaining marshalls were winding their way back down the path.  Then 10 minutes later, two (non charity raising) walkers passed us.  They were the last, we were on the hill on our own. We reached the split in the path just as the sun was throwing amazing deep red glows across the mountains around us. We watched as it disappered quickly and then the sudden chill hit home and we abandoned all ideas of continuing to Pen y Fan. 

We could have continued but by this time it was 9.50 and although we could still see clearly we knew that that could change really quickly and that the temperature would only fall further.

If you had asked me before hand, 'Would you be upset not to reach Pen y Fan' after getting that far, I would have said 'Yes' but just being out on the hill, no one close to us, was amazing.  I would have sat there all night had I had a sleeping bag to snuggle into.

We started our walk back down and as the sun had been setting on one side of us, a beautiful half moon had been rising on the other side.  It was magical walking down, watching the sky change from reds, into purples in the blues, darker blues and finally settling into a more navy hue which hugged round the moon pefectly.  I would have never dreamed  six months ago that I would have been confidently striding down a hill (and yes of course, we were on a well defined path),in an amazing twilight, with moon gleaming, birds still singing and sheep calling quietly to their lambs.

Two thirds of the way down there was no noise at all apart from the occassional car in the distance.  So I started to sing, not because I wasnt loving the silence, wasnt enjoying the hearing the odd whisper of the wind, but because I could.  I could sing out, as loud as I wanted (and as tunelessly) because there was no one there to hear, no audience to critise or gripe.  Well unless you count the sheep, and hubby, they may have other views.  Show songs started to fill my head; Miss Saigon, Oklahoma, My Fair Lady, Jekyll and Hyde.  I finished off with Bill Barclays version of the Twelve Days of Christmas (yes its June, but its funny... even funnier as I couldnt remember all the words).   At the very bottom we were still talking pictures but those without the flash on were just pitch black, but we could still see really clearly, fantastic.


It was a fantastic experience, made all the better by being totally unexpected.

After passing through the kissing gate I took a picture, a shot into the trees ... the mist in the picture was also unexpected and a little eerie.

So running will have to be tomorrow now but now there is yet another new thing to add to my list.  Spend the night on a hill somewhere, maybe a tent, maybe a bothy, but its a must now, the idea is there and it has to be done!

C25K

Well ive started it! App onto phone and two runs completed this week.  Quickly realised that my 'good' trainers are all wrong and my ankle is turning in - so need a trip .... somewhere (no idea where though) ... to get a decent pair before I do some damage! Still I could always run in my Asolo walking boots ... 

 

I think not!  

Its just so weird to be doing some structured (well sort of) running /jogging after all these years.  Though it was mentioned that I jog really slowly .... hmmm .... let me see, 10 plus years of not being able to run .. you work it out!

To do list is getting longer but lately seems to be so much harder to actually get to do the things I want to do, probably because new ideas come into my head daily, I see others doing things and I think 'I want to do that .... ' There isnt time to fit it all in!

Still the day will come when I can run that 5k not walk it, that I've been to the top of Snowdon, Ben Nevis and maybe even Scarfell Pike, that I've got the dry suit on and gone diving, that I've bitten that bullet and gone over the edge on some cliff (with ropes I might add) and maybe even jumped out of that plane. 

Till then, its Walk for 5 minutes, jog for 1 minute, walk for 1.5 minutes etc etc ... well its still week one!

C25K

Dont step on my dreams!

I have only one thing to say to those who still try to step on my dreams, those who try to persuade me away from my goals by making comments cloaked as advice or concern!

'The question isnt who is going to let me; its who is going to stop me?'

Ayn Rand

Despite your opinion, regardless of how long something takes me to do, inspite of any number of my own barriers (which I still have a few), I will achieve what I have set out to achieve, everything which is on my 'list'; I will get to where I want to be, do the things I want to do and have the things I want from life!

Im on this path! Please ... if you dont want to travel with me please dont try to make me change direction. 

 

New places, new faces, new experiences

Life is sooooo busy at the moment! Which is great.

Been to two new places (walking) over the last couple of weeks and met some great new people on the way.  Id forgotten how quiet I can be sometimes when I meet new people LOL ... still makes a nice change for me to shut up and give someone else a chance.  Before anyone else says it ;-) 

Llyn yn Fawr last week which was lovely.

and Tair Carn Isaf and Uchaf today, which was a really great, if windy, walk AND the best laugh ive had in aaaaaages. 

So that was the exercise bit {LOL ... well exercise for me ... a stroll for others ;-)}

So every ying needs a yang - so on Sunday I spent hours and hours in a spa with a friend of mine to celebrate her birthday.  Relaxing, chatting, drinking champagne ... cant be bad eh!

Hmmm long weekend ahead  .... what to do, where to go?   

Answers on a postcard please (or at least a post below LOL)

I did it!!!

Completed my first race for life tonight.  :-)   Smiling!! Then crying!! Doh!

Embarrased!

The very nice lady running the abseil event has sent me a little note saying well done for trying! And the certificate to say that I was there ... so nice but now I feel awful for failing!

Pastures New

Yesterday afternoon went for a walk to the top of Garreg Lwyd.  Nothing particularly challenging but lovely views at the top, on a really lovely day.  It was the first time in aaaaaaaaages that the four of us (me, Pete, Sarah & B) have managed to get out and about like this.

It didnt take very long but it was worth the effort.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/mamminiog/sets/72157626575837346/

Today B and I cycled from Loughor to Llanelli beach.  Not a long way but lovely to be by the coast the whole way round.  Pete and Sarah went for a walk to the various hides in WWT LLanelli.  In one of the hides they met a gentleman and his wife (who was in a wheelchair).  They thought they would need access to the wheelchair area (where the viewing windows are lower) and so moved away.  The man said 'No, no its okay, she's blind'.  He then proceeded to describe everything that he could see from the hide, giving details of the birds, the water, what was on the bank etc.  Now isnt that just fantastic!

Llanelli beach was really hot and busy! Thank god for suntan lotion!




http://www.flickr.com/photos/mamminiog/sets/72157626451983891/

So now back to my fear of heights.  Yesterday I tried to do something else to beat it but failed.  We perhaps not beat it but to address it! To challenge and push myself.  I paid my fee, got kitted up, walked to the top, stood at the edge ..... yes at the edge ... a serious step forward  ... but then I needed to take a step backward and go over the edge! Nope! nothing doing! So came back down.  Becky has decided that I have to do it next year ,,, we will see.  Im not sure though, maybe abseiling isnt the way to cure this fear! LOL

Finally! 'Just like riding a bike'

At last I managed to make time to actually try out my new Trek 30 bike! It took us a while to sort out the bike rack so we could drive some where so I could have a go, off road, so to speak.  I had absolutely no idea what my balance was going be like so I wasnt about to risk the lives of the general public by attempting to go out on the road. ;-)

We went up to the Rhyslyn car park in Pontrhydyfen.  I had to have the gears explained to me (again ... I'm so sorry Pete! but my excuse is I'm a visual / kinesthetic learner! Show me then let me do it!) but by George (actually by Pete LOL) I think ... I've got it! (Least I hope I have).

I couldnt believe how nervous I was! Scared even.  Daft I know but its been years!

So, after much faffing about,  it was with deep breathes and the hope that I wouldnt end up with skinned knees (like a child) that I finally had a go!

I was delighted to find that its totally true, you dont forget, its 'Just like riding a bike'.  Oh there were a couple of wobbles in the first few seconds but then after that it was great.  I rode down toward to road and across the old aquaduct, turned round and back to the car.  We did a few adjustments, seat height etc and then we went up the forest road past the bottom of 'The Wall'. (where the temptation was just to have photo at the bottom and pretend, but drat the luck - no camera LOL) and then on a bit further.  Its just the slightest of slopes going up but we went far enough up so that eventually there was a nice long run, sloping downhill .... so ......
Woooooooooooohooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!

Its a great bike, its amazing to be able to do this again, its another tick for me and I cant wait to go out again.

Score!

Forgot to post this! Everyone got a certificate after the rally event, and a score! The highest was 76 so I wasnt first but didnt do too bad :-)

Motors, Mistletoe and Malverns

Well what fantastic couple of days! 

My rally experience day finally dawned yesterday!   It was just brilliant! There cant be anything better than being allowed to let a car slide all over the place, at speed, dust and gravel flying up behind you and not a policeman in site LOL!  10 handbreak turns!!And above us there was a small plane, looping the loop and doing various turns, entertaining those of us waiting for our turn as much as watching the other drivers.

Flickr Rallying Pictures

So once again ... Joy ... thank you so much for my 'scream' moment.  Actually it was more of a 'scream if you want to go faster' moment LOL. However, it was very disappointing to get to the hotel restaurant only to find they didnt have any champers ... we had to make do with red wine ...  sigh.

Today was slightly more sedate.  When we opened the curtains of our room the first sight was of a hot air ballon in the distance .. it was early so it obviously held the promise of a good day.  Mid morning we headed for the Malvern Hills.  On the way we drove through Upton upon Severn.  We were delighted to see many of the tall trees covered in Mistletoe! What an amazing sight.  Sadly its quite rare in the UK just now with most of it being bought in from France (like the Sweet Chestnuts).  Probably as a direct result of the removal of many orchards (it likes to grow on apple trees).  I wasnt sure what the trees were that they were growing on in Upton though.  Ash possibly. It was great to see a couple of gliders above us as well.  Nice to see everyone out enjoying the sunshine.

We carried on to Great Malvern (coffee, information centre ... emmmm Fat Face) and then up to the Hills.  We went to Earnslaw Lake (which is actually an old quarry), which was a lovely, relaxed stroll through the trees.  Above us two paragliders twisted and turned, this was definitely the weekend to be up high or in the sky.

We then moved on to the British Camp car park and started our climb to the top.  Its a fairly easy climb but some of the steeper parts, gravel path and steps are a bit heavy on the feet! The view at the top was wonderful and it was definitely worth the climb up.

The drive home was still in brilliant sunshine and so we detoured off the Heads of the Valley road to get a viewpoint to try to get the sun setting.  We didnt quite catch it but got it as it was starting to wind down.

Mountains in the Mist

On Friday I decided to tackle Pen Y Fan myself! I had a day off and so I packed up a few things and headed up to the car park.

It was a pretty miserable afternoon, despite the promise of it clearing it wasnt great weather.  I sat in the car park for an hour waiting for a change in the weather,before I finally decided to just bite the bullet and get on with the walk.

The first part of the walk wasnt too bad but it definitely got mistier as I climbed higher.

As I continued up the path, mist descending even further, I realised that I was the only one going in that direction and then I had one of those 'moments', not quite an epiphany, but a comparison moment.  It just felt like my life! Not quite 'in the dark' all the time, but moving forward, on my own, not quite sure where I was going and cant quite see the way! (If you are groaning and yelling ...'Get over yourself Fi' just hang on).

If you know that path, you know that it gets steeper in bits, eases a bit, gets steeper again.  I kept climbing and several people passed me, going in the other direction! Hmmm, I debated turning back, changing my plans, giving up.  The mist got a little thicker but I wasnt totally engulfed so I decided to carry on.  Then I could hear voices but couldnt figure out where they were coming from.  I was laughing to myself because for a brief moment my brain said 'Ghosts?' but then I realised that it was a couple behind me on the path.  Quicker walkers than me, they soon passed me, sharing a few words as they did. Okay, so not on my own, quite, and not the only one going in that direction.

 I wasnt sure how far I had got, so I checked my watch.  If my first walk was anything to go by, I was way less than half way up! Still, I wanted to prove to myself that I could do this on my own.  So I kept going.  About ten minutes later I heard more voices and three ladies caught up with me.  'How mad are we?' one commented.  I laughed and said, 'I was just wondering how far up I had got?'  'Five minutes max to where the path spilts for Corn Du!' said one of the ladies!   I have to admit that I doubted what she said BUT she was right! I made the split in the path in 1 hour and 15! Then, despite the wind and now the rain (not just that fine stuff in the mist but real stuff now!) I was by the marker on Pen y Fan in 15 minutes.  The last bit, climbing up on to Pen y Fan, was a real test of my strength LOL and as I was doing that last bit a streak of yellow passed me by! I was delighted to have knocked 1 whole hour off the time! A whole hour!

As I got to the marker the streak of yellow was there, along with his walking buddy.  'A little fresh' I said.  'Just slightly' Said the buddy. Then they disappeared over the edge towards the monument. So then I took my picture and was trying to take a picture of myself with the marker behind me when the streak reappeared and offered to take the picture for me. By now it was pretty horrible up there so he also then offered to walk back down with me.  I could see where to go but it was nice to have the company. I turned out that he was a Major (and real life Major!! thats a first) and tries to walk up to the top once a week with his friend.  He was so, so interesting, telling me all about his life in the army, being in the Falklands, being promoted and how the two best decisions in his life were joining up and marrying his wife (of almost 36 years).  We talked about lots of things and about being focused, determined and keeping on going!  We talked about my operations and he said that he thought I had to be a focused person to be doing that walk on my own, on less than a nice day and not being phased! Before I knew it we were back at the car park .... in 45 minutes! I walked back down in 45 minutes!!!!

I had gone up and down in less time than it had taken for me to climb it the first time!

So to go back to the journey .... it is my journey, I am doing it on my own, but I do have people going in the same direction and people who will travel with me.

And yes ... I got over myself.  And thank you 'Manny' for the chat and the company and the race down the path!!

I always knew it, but damn, mountains are good for the soul, whatever the weather!!!

Next steps update

So Ive bought the bike! (not been out on it yet LOL)
The rally session is 10 days away (yay)
The Race for Life is looming (cant wait)

I have lots of other things in mind .. no previews yet though ;-) LOL

Walk with me.

"Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend." -   --  Albert Camus